


because i have been lonely

by QQI25



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Giant Spiders, Prompt Fill, Spidery Human, basically Pete's a spider turned human, well one single one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24971248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QQI25/pseuds/QQI25
Summary: As an immortal person, Wade has never really tried to make friends, save for a giant spider. But when an amulet turns the spider into a person, he has to learn how to live with another person in his life again.Based off a post by Symbiote-Spideypool!!
Relationships: Clint Barton & Peter Parker, Clint Barton & Wade Wilson, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Tony Stark & Wade Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 69





	because i have been lonely

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SymbioteSpideypool](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymbioteSpideypool/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Spideypool Ficlet Collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16857568) by [SymbioteSpideypool](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymbioteSpideypool/pseuds/SymbioteSpideypool). 



> . . . i value love.  
> quote is from leonard nimoy which, i didn't know who he was 'til i looked up the quote lol. it was just an ~aesthetic~ pinterest post.

There’s many reasons Wade doesn’t have friends: people don’t trust him, his business is too dangerous to involve others, he’s ugly as hell, he’s insecure, he sabotages himself, he has a weird as hell schedule, he has trust issues, he has a boatload of mental issues, and he’s immortal. So really, he doesn’t need friends anyway. Sometimes he gets to see Death, and that’s good enough for him. The only other person he sees on the reg isn’t even a person; it’s his pet spider. 

The story of how he gets his pet spider is pretty funny, because his spider’s pretty like him. See, his spider is no ordinary spider; it’s a genetically modified spider (GMS). One day, he stumbles on an animal testing lab that wanted to create human-animal hybrids. He’s not sure how the fuck they were trying to achieve that, and also, haven’t they watched Fullmetal Alchemist? Seen what became of poor, poor Nina and Alexander? Obviously the fuck not. These stupid “scientists” (monsters, just like Frankenstein, whom everyone knows was the real monster, and not his poor creation) and their complete disregard for the safety and wellbeing of others. Of course he wrecks the shit outta that place. Most of the hybrids (chimeras, if you’re a total nerd and like Fullmetal Alchemist) are in so much agony he has no choice but to put them out of their misery. But not the spider. No, the spider he finds in some quiet corner. It’s in a cage that looks like it’s more for some fuckin’ shorkie or something, this big, hairy, red and blue spider. Now, he’s not scared of spiders, but he’s also not an expert, and he’s pretty sure no such thing exists outside of laboratories. So understandably, he finds himself fascinated by it. It’s the size of a standard roll of toilet paper, or a baby bunny! Knowing he’s definitely gonna take it home, he looks around and strikes gold when he finds the notes they’d taken on the spider.

As a funny little joke, he tries to make a name out of the words “pet” and “spider”, and comes up with Peter, or Pete for short. Clever, clever. Now he’s got a giant-ass spider in a giant-ass spider cage in the middle of his living room. He really only needs to feed the spider once a month, but who wants to eat that little? He gives it treats in between the monthly feedings, and the unlucky bugs that get into Peter’s cage are added bonuses. They get along pretty well, as a lonely merc who’s only really asking for some quiet company, and a quiet spider that’s just vibing and chilling out. 

In the beginning, Peter is uncomfortable. He’s restless, always trying to reach his legs through the gaps between the bars, or climbing on the ceiling of the cage, or tapping the bottom of it. After hours and hours of studying it, he realises that for a creature that size, an area that size is probably hell. It’s probably like living in a studio apartment with two other roommates. As an apology, he goes to take Peter out of the cage and is promptly bitten. Instead of researching like he’d planned, he spends a good few hours with Death. 

When he wakes up, he goes around the apartment making sure all the windows are shut tight and the front door is too. Peter escaping could very well mean his own death, and Wade doesn’t want that. He goes back to Peter’s cage and sticks his hand by it, as far away from Peter as he can, so Peter gets to decide whether he will approach Wade. 

“Hey Peter, buddy,” he says in a low voice. “I’m not here to hurt you; I’m not like those scientist dudes. I just want to get you out of that cage for a bit. It’s real cramped, isn’t it? No room to really move around. I’m gonna look for a new one for you. C’mon, don’t you wanna get outta there?” It doesn’t take long for the spider to approach his hand again. He withdraws his hand to open the cage and offers it up for Peter to crawl up his arm. Peter nestles himself in the crook between Wade’s neck and shoulder. It’s nice and warm, and he has no doubt it feels similar for Peter. Wade spends the night researching how to make a proper home for him. 

Unfortunately, Peter has to be placed back in the cage when Wade goes out, but he promises that he’ll try to make it as short of a trip as possible. He’d ordered a custom cage (NOT from Amazon, because FUCK Amazon) that’s longer and taller, but that won’t arrive for another few days, so he gets a clear storage bin for now. He also buys a bag of soil, some fake plants (real ones are too big of a commitment; they’re such particular things), and some bugs for this month’s feeding. On the way home, he picks up sticks and leaves and puts them in the storage bin, which he’s been using as a container for everything else. 

“Hey Peter,” he says when he enters his apartment. “I got a temporary home for you while the one we ordered online ships. I’ll even put soil and nature things so it feels more like home. I’m sorry they stuck you in that shitty hellhole.” He gets to work preparing the bin, putting the soil down first. The air holes he just uses a knife to poke out, making sure the plastic doesn’t fall back into the container. Then he scatters the plants and sticks and leaves around. Peter will do the final touches, rearranging the decor however he likes. Once it’s done he takes Peter—who doesn’t put up much of a fight this time—out and transfers him over to the temporary cage.

When the actual cage comes in, he mixes in some new soil and transfers everything over. It has bars instead of being a full on wall of whatever, because that feels less restrictive to Wade. Peter gets transferred over, and he seems to be much happier in this new environment. Not only has he rearranged the decor, but he’s also added his own using his webs. They’re such marvels, and he hadn’t thought about how the bars could possibly affect him, but Peter has cleverly worked around that, so it doesn’t seem to be a problem at all. 

On the days that Wade’s really, really yearning for some physical contact, he takes Peter out of the cage and lets the spider roam over his body. Peter likes to settle on Wade’s shoulders, or head, or even, funnily enough, cradled in his arms. He finds it extremely endearing holding him like that, coos his name and pets him. More often than not, Peter will purr. Sometimes he has sassy days, where he’s playful, and the only other time that he bit Wade was on one of these such days. He honestly finds it funny, the way Peter’s bites send him to Death. He comes back to Peter on his chest, moving once his heart beats again, and tapping Wade’s cheek with a foot. Paw? Do spiders have feet or paws? 

“Hey, no worries Pete.” He strokes Pete’s back and slowly sits up. After that, Pete doesn’t bite him. Huh. He’s formed an attachment to Wade. That’s sweet, and good to know, because that’ll be one relationship where that’s happened! 

Eventually, Pete’s out of the cage more than he is in it. Really the only times he’s in there is when Wade sleeps (rare), or when Wade goes out (not as rare, because of jobs, patrolling, shopping, etc.). He’s not sure if he’s so desperate to have someone miss him when he’s away, or if Pete just fuckin’ hates the cage, but he always seems reluctant to go in it. 

Wade has always had dance parties, and dance parties mean accessories. Back then, accessories meant a wig or a crown, along with jewellery, and—if he was feeling particularly spicy—dressing up. Now, his favourite head accessory is Pete. He’ll pat his head and say “come be my hat” or “come be my hair” and Pete will climb up and stay there as Wade dances around the place. He imagines that Pete enjoys it too. 

He passes almost a century this way, taking jobs here and there, taking care of his spider friend. He has no idea what the fuck Pete’s deal is, because he’s still alive and still as lively and healthy as ever. All he knows is he sure as hell won’t take that for granted, and he’ll do his damnedest to make sure this spider lives as long and comfortably as possible. 

In this time, he’s also watched Tony Stark grow up and get even smarter. He’s watched him team up with other supers, and create the Avengers. Wade gets roped into it all too. He’s more on the sidelines, not one of the main ones on call, which is fine by him and nothing new. He can take whatever the fuck jobs he wants and patrol the streets of New York and chill with Pete. And the Avengers aren’t doing bad. Tony makes sure to cover the costs of whatever damages they cause, and he makes sure to pay the people who are rebuilding everything enough money. 

When things particularly go to shit, that’s when Wade is called. And after, they debrief back at the tower, which is a fucking pain in the ass, but after _that_ , he often gets invited to their hangouts. They’re all cool people, especially Clint. Clint’s funny as hell, and because of him, most of the people at the Avengers Tower know ASL. Clint’s one of the only people who get to see even part of Wade’s face, because he’ll always roll up his mask to his nose so that Clint can read his lips when he needs to. 

So when he squares off against some magic dude and gets out of it with some weird-ass, cool-ass, glowing Castle in the Sky looking amulet, he knows exactly who to bring it to. He just stops at home first so he can clean up a little and make sure he doesn’t track blood anywhere. Again, he _likes_ Tony and them and doesn’t want to inconvenience them (well, just not to this extent). Plus it smells. He goes home and takes Pete out and places the amulet on the counter so he can change. Of fucking course shit has to go down south. There’s some sort of sonic wave and he rushes out shirtless to make sure Pete wasn’t hurt from whatever the fuck that was, but Pete’s not there anymore. In Pete’s place is a naked man crawling on the ceiling with red and blue hair and the fucking amulet clenched between his teeth. 

“Pete! Hey! Come here, sweetie. Can I have that back, please? C’mon Petey Pie, bring it here. I need it back so I can take it to Tony. Please?” He gets a hiss in response, and Pete skitters farther away from him. 

“Don’t make me break out the full name. C’mon Pete, please? I asked nicely. I gotta make sure it won’t do anything bad to you. Pete?” Another hiss. 

“Peter, don’t be a little pain in my ass,” he says in a sing-song voice. “Fine. I don’t want the amulet. You can keep it. But can you please come down? Back here with me? Don’t you like me? I miss you.” Miraculously, that gets Peter to come back closer, and he drops and lands on Wade’s back without warning. He grunts and crouches a little before straightening up and going back to the bathroom. 

“I gotta finish washing my suit, okay? You can stay where you are if you want.” But Pete does _not_ want to stay where he is; he starts trying to climb on top of Wade’s head. When going from behind doesn’t work, he goes from the side, and when that doesn’t work, he goes from the front. His dick smacks Wade a couple of times. He sets down his suit and brush in the bathtub. 

“Okay buddy, this isn’t gonna work no matter how you try, because you’re not the same size anymore,” he says gently, pulling Pete down ‘til he and Wade can see eye to eye. “No more climbing onto my head now, okay? Unless I’m sitting on the couch or something where there’s a surface behind us. Also, since we’re going to Tony’s anyway, you’re gonna need some clothes. I’ll let you wear just sweats for now, but you need a shirt when we leave. Wanna get up?” He turns around and Pete climbs up on his back while they go to Wade’s bedroom. He helps Pete put on a pair of sweats and pulls out a shirt for later. 

Suit finally clean enough and Pete clothed, Wade heads to the Avengers Tower, Pete on his back. Instead of bringing Tony and them an amulet, he ends up bringing them an amulet and his spider-turned-human. 

“Hey Tony,” Wade says casually. 

“Hey Wade,” Tony responds just as casually. “Who’s that on your back?”

“The reason behind this visit, actually! Remember how you let me borrow a jet?”

“Oh you mean the jet you stole a couple of hours ago?”

“Semantics. I’ll bring it back if you help me figure out what the fuck is up with him and fix it. Tony, this is Peter. Pete, this is Tony.” Tony waves in a stilted manner, understandably still confused, and Peter waves back. “So can we come in?” 

“Sure. If you elaborate.”

“Yeah so, I had a pet spider, right? And I came back from dealing with some magic dude, which is why I used your jet, and I was gonna bring you an amulet to dissect or whatever, but I, being the very intelligent person that I am, put it on the counter and Pete here got to it and turned into a human! He was my pet spider, if you hadn’t guessed.” Pete gets bored and starts crawling up to the ceiling, lending credibility to Wade’s story. Tony raises his eyebrows as he follows Pete’s movements. 

“And what did you need me for?”

“To figure out how the fuck he turned into a human! Duh. Like, I know it’s obviously because of the amulet, but it’s just real fuckin’ weird to go from having a spider around to having a human around. Hey Pete? Let’s not go there, hmm? That’s this building’s elevator. Come back, please.” Pete obediently comes back to them, crawling down the wall and going back on Wade’s back.

“Without using the labs, I can tell you he seems pretty normal, aside from the obvious wall-crawling and ceiling-crawling. I can also have Jarvis scan to see what his body temperature is. But that’s as far as I can go. I don’t know how much he can understand right now, and I’m not doing anything he can’t agree with.” 

“You’re not bad, Stark.” 

“You say that like you think I _would_ be,” Tony says, scowling. Wade laughs. 

“I’m just teasing. Yeah, you can have Jarvis do body scans and whatever the fuck.”

“Is he okay with climbing off your back for a bit? Would help get a more accurate readout.” Wade shrugs. There’s only one way to find out.

“Hey Pete, you gotta get off for a bit, okay? C’mon, down.” He pats at Pete’s hands, and it gets him to come down. Wade turns around and guides Pete in front of him so Tony can see him more clearly. Doing that makes Pete think it’s time for him to climb up Wade’s front, and he whines when Wade holds out his hands, thwarting him. 

“Look, we’ll just hold hands for now, and it’ll be over really quick, okay?” Pete’s grip on him is tight. It’s really fucking validating to know that Pete trusts Wade this much, and that it wasn’t at all silly to care for a spider the way he did. 

“Huh. His body temp’s the same as the room, which is concerning for a human, but not surprising for a spider. His hands are warming up to your temperature, though. Be careful in the winter with this one. Better bundle him up.”

“Sure thing, boss. Already been blasting the apartment’s heat in the winters anyway. We’re all done, Pete. You can come back now. Want the back or the front?” All Wade has to do is give his hands a little tug and he immediately clings to Wade’s front. “Okay, okay. You’re all good.” One hand goes up to scritch Pete’s hair, and he starts purring, tucking his head into Wade’s neck. 

“Cute,” Tony remarks.

“Mmm. We’ve been close friends for quite a while. Also I _just_ remembered that his venom will kill someone. He’s done it to me twice. Dunno if he’ll still have venom if he’s in more of a human form, but I thought it was worth mentioning. And oh shit, the amulet. Pete, you’re not getting out of it this time. I gotta give it to Tony.” It’s around his neck now, and he doesn’t seem to care about it much anymore. Tony takes it from him, holding onto just the chain it’s on.

“It’s not gonna turn him into a spider again if I take this?” Wade pauses. He hadn’t thought about it at all.

“Weeeell, I’m not the expert. If it does, he’ll just go back to the way I’ve known him. No biggie. Alright, since that’s all, we’ll head out. Thanks.” 

“Sure. Why don’t you have Happy escort you? Less hassle, I’d imagine, than carrying Peter all the way back.” 

“Aww, how kind of you. That’d be good, yeah.” 

That was a bit of a bust. At least he knows to make sure the apartment’s well heated? Back home now, he decides to just make mac and cheese for the two of them. Hopefully Pete isn’t lactose intolerant. He places their bowls and forks next to each other on the table, then sets Pete down in one chair and sits next to him.

“I’m gonna teach you how to use a fork today, so you’re gonna need to sit on your own. Here, hold it like this and just stab your food.” Wade positions his hand and helps him spear some noodles. He puts it in Pete’s mouth, who bites down and stays in that position. “Oh. No, you don’t eat the fork too. Here, let me . . .” He pulls ‘til the fork comes out and puts the fork back in the bowl. As Pete chews, Wade watches his face for any signs of discomfort and only finds a grin. 

Pete tries using the fork again, but the way he’s holding it, his fingers are all straightened and it just makes it a bit awkward to use it to eat. It’s working, though? Kinda? If it works for him, then Wade’s not gonna say anything. He just gets to eating his own mac and cheese. In Pete’s enthusiasm, there’s a bit of cheese surrounding his whole mouth area. They should shower.

“Okay, I’m just gonna put our bowls in the sink. Let me take it? Thank you. And now _we’ve_ gotta do some washing up.” Seeing Wade move away from the kitchen, Pete quickly gets up and gets on Wade’s back. Wade absently reaches a hand up to pat his head. He gets pajamas for the both of them and lays them out on the bed. Then he gets another towel from the linen closet and brings it to the bathroom. He turns the shower on so it has time to warm up. Even as a spider, Pete had liked being in the bathroom when Wade showered. He sets Peter down on the closed toilet lid and strips, then turns to Pete.

“Your turn to take your clothes off.” He slips off Pete’s shirt, then has him stand so he can slip off his pants. He realises there’s little . . . protrusions on Pete’s abdomen. They honestly look like little dicks. Whatever. He’ll look up spider anatomy later to see if he can determine what they are. 

“C’mon, Pete. In the shower.” He climbs in, holding Pete’s hand, and Pete follows. It’s a bit cramped as Wade is not a slight man, but he’ll make it work. 

It’s fairly painless because Pete isn’t in a mischievous mood today, which means he’s not working to make life a little harder for Wade. Instead, he’s compliant and moves as Wade guides him. The act of washing his hair (which, god, Wade has no idea how long it’s been since he’s washed hair, his own or someone else’s) greatly pleases him, as his shoulders slump and he purrs. Wade finds himself glad that Pete can still purr as a human. Over the course of their shower, Pete also opens his mouth to catch water from the showerhead. It’s not gonna kill him, so Wade leaves him to it. Washing himself is a little harder with someone else in the shower, but he just needs to move Pete a little. 

Pete glares at him when he shuts off the water, but there’s enough steam and the air’s warm enough that he isn’t too annoyed. The glare totally disappears when Wade wraps him in a towel, replaced by a wide grin. He puts his own towel around his waist, but leaves Pete’s towel covering his whole body, and ushers him into the bedroom. 

Wade dresses them both and lays down on the bed. Pete takes the side closest to the wall, huddling right up against it, and stares at Wade. He tugs at Wade ‘til he comes closer, then closer still ‘til their fronts are almost pressed together. He snakes one leg between Wade’s and one arm over his side. 

“Okay,” Wade says softly. “Comfy? Good night, Petey.” He scritches Pete’s hair, assuming correctly that it helps Pete slip into sleep.

The next morning, he wakes to find Pete still very much a human, and one that’s tangled up in Wade. He’s surprised he slept that well and that long. The things having another body in bed will do. Pete is also very clingy, he finds out. He was pretty clingy as a spider, so Wade’s not that surprised. Pete has times when he steals away to some quiet corner, but for the most part he stays in the same room as Wade. His favourite position is, of course, on Wade’s person, whether that’s on his front or on his back. He also likes crawling along the ceiling tracking Wade’s movements, and just hanging upside down while Wade watches TV. Wade’s heard that humans being in that position for too long could be deadly, but it luckily doesn’t seem to have any effect on Pete. And at nights, they sleep curled together and Wade finds his sleep is improving immensely. Thank Pete for Pete, and the amulet for turning him into a human.

His friend the web (ha, web) tells him those mini-dicks are most likely spinnerets. It’s confirmed for him a few days later when Pete uses them to spin a web over the front door, the balcony door, and all the windows. 

“What’s this, huh? I gotta go out, Pete. Can’t stay here with you forever. We need more food, and I need to go out so I can get it.” He uses one of his katanas to slice through the layers and sees Pete glaring at him. It makes him laugh even as he reaches out to give one of Pete’s hands a squeeze. “Aww, don’t be like that. I’ll be back, promise.” 

Pete’s not in view when he gets back, so Wade assumes he’s hiding somewhere in some corner. He’ll come out eventually, so Wade’s not concerned. He just gets to putting away the groceries and starting dinner. When dinner’s done and Pete hasn’t come out like he usually does at the smell of food, Wade starts looking. He finds a suspiciously shaped lump of blanket on the bed pressed against the corner where the walls meet, and makes his way over to it. 

“Aww, I’m sorry. Don’t you like food? I had to go get food, and I made some for us.” He pulls the blanket down and Pete just pulls it back up without a glance Wade’s way. “We need food to make sure we stay alive. Isn’t that pretty important? Either way, I’m here now, aren’t I? . . . Aww, there’s no one in my lap, and it’s getting a little cold. I do wish there was someone who’d sit in it.” He pats his thighs for emphasis and Pete slowly, exaggeratedly goes and sits on Wade but doesn’t look at him. Wade’s gonna die from all this sweetness and attention. He truly cannot remember someone caring as much about him as Pete, and isn’t that pathetic? A fucking spider cares more about him than any other human. Whatever. He takes Pete over to the kitchen, and just for tonight feeds both of them. 

Pete really likes oversized, warm clothes. He’s particular about the material, but then again, so is Wade, which makes it a non-issue. The way it feels is the deciding factor in whether or not Wade even considers buying an article of clothing. And his taste is perfectly Pete’s, too. (If he were a more sentimental, mushy person, he’d say something, something, soulmates.) He likes the baggy clothes because he’d like to cover as much of his body as possible, and Pete likes them because he likes staying warm. It has the added bonus of hiding the spinnerets if they’re gonna be going out, and that’s good because he’s planning on visiting the Tower more. He’s gotta talk to Tony about teaching Pete, because it’s getting more and more likely that Pete will stay a human, and Wade wants him to be able to learn properly (which Wade is too stupid to help with if it comes to book smarts). He also, as it turns out, is starting to find friends in the Avengers, and he’s gonna try not to sabotage himself (if only because he needs their jobs to give him stuff to do when he’s bored). 

“Time for another field trip to Tony’s tower, Pete!” he says once two weeks have passed and it’s clear Pete is going to stay this way for the foreseeable future. Pete clambers onto his back because he likes to make Wade do _all_ the work of walking, and they’re out the door. 

“Hey Tony! I need your help again,” Wade says at Tony’s front door. Pete is clinging to his back, as per usual. 

“Wade. Peter. What happened to giving me back my jet?” 

“Technically, I don’t have to bring it back. What I _said_ was I’d give it back if you figured out what happened and fixed it. He’s clearly still a human, which means you haven’t fixed it. Also, you’re a fuckin’ billionaire. I know better than to think one measly jet will be missed.”

“Fair, fair. What can I help with this time?” 

“He’s kinda growing on me as a human, honestly. So I don’t really give a fuck how to fix him anymore? Instead I wanna help him acclimate to being a human. I’ve already done some of it, but that’s shit like holding a fork. I need your help if I want him to like, actually _learn_ stuff. You’re hella smart.”

“Thank you. I _am_ hella smart. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve already taught him and how much speech he seems to be grasping, and we can decide what he’s ready to learn from there?” 

“You’re the expert. Sounds good.” They sit on the couch in the lounge, Pete in Wade’s lap, and Tony next to them. Wade starts telling Tony what he’s taught Pete so far, which is just ~~the bare necessities~~ basic life skills. He’s hoping Tony can help with like, literacy and science and shit. Pete is obviously bored by their conversation. He tries to tough it out—which is very noble—by just switching positions at first, but even that will obviously get boring. At last, he worms his way out of Wade’s lap and starts crawling along the walls and ceiling. That’s still his most comfortable way of travelling so far, which means walking is another thing Wade needs Tony’s help with teaching. Pete’s not gonna wanna stay cooped up in the apartment forever, and Wade would obviously not let that be his fate. That’d be boring as hell. 

“Tony, you good with him going around?” 

“Yeah. I can just have J make sure he can’t open the elevator or anything.” 

“Or I can supervise,” Clint says. Wade lights up. 

“Clint! Hey,” Wade signs. 

“Hey Wade,” Clint signs back with a smile. “Who the hell is this very badass individual?” 

“That’s Peter, or Pete for short. He used to be my pet spider, but an amulet turned him into a human.” Clint raises his eyebrows.

“Damn. More of a spider than Nat. Anyway yeah, I’ll hang out with him. Talk boring stuff with Tony as long as you need.” 

They do talk boring stuff some more. Their first priority is teaching him how to read, write, and speak. Drawing is also an interesting avenue to take, as it can help him express himself while he learns how to write. Science and math come after those. Tony thinks he’ll like physics, since he probably has an innate sense for it, what with having needed to weave webs. Wade teases him, saying it’s just because he himself has a degree in physics, and Tony doesn’t confirm or deny that. He’s already got people in mind for most of it; it’s just the art therapist that he’ll need to dig into a little, and he’s fairly certain the therapists working at the Tower will have connections. 

“Hey, thanks for all this, Tony,” Wade says, standing up. 

“‘Course. I’m excited too, to see how this all goes. As a friend helping out a friend. Even if the teaching of academics doesn’t work out, I know he’ll be a funny, kind person because of you.”

“Tony,” Wade says, touched and definitely feeling like there could be tears creeping up on him. “Don’t get all mushy on me.”

“Done. I know he’ll be an insufferable dick who plays pranks because of you.” 

“That’s more like it. But seriously, thanks.”

“Eh, don’t sweat it. Wouldn’t wanna build up my ego too much. Go find your Pete.” 

“Pete,” Wade calls out. “It’s time to leave.” He walks around and finds Pete’s not anywhere he can see. Ah. So either air ducts or Clint took him to another floor. He has half a mind to ask Jarvis to help him locate Pete when there’s a noise from above. Seconds later, he gets an armful of Pete, who smiles smugly and rearranges so he’s clinging to Wade’s front instead of in his arms. 

“You gonna catch me too?” Clint asks with a smirk. 

“You know damn well I would.” 

“Nah, I’m good.” Clint deftly slips down, landing in front of Wade. “He’s a lot of fun. Coming back anytime soon?”

“Yeah, in a week or so. He’ll be off learning, though, so I’m sorry to say you only have me to keep you company.” 

“Just as fun! See you then!”

“Bye.” Wade and Pete wave at the two of them and head out. Happy’s waiting for them when they exit the building. 

Although Pete seems very happy, he also seems tired out and clingier than usual. It’s totally understandable, and Wade’s totally willing to indulge him and supply cuddles. Wade’s glad Tony and everyone who’s helping need time to plan, because Pete’s gonna need time to recharge. 

Wade sits with him the first few lessons, thigh to thigh and his hand resting on Pete’s. They teach him the alphabet first, written, spoken, and signed. After that, he zones out, but checks in occasionally to give Pete a reassuring smile and thumbs up when he looks Wade’s way. Every time they update Wade, they’re impressed with how fast Pete’s progress is. He gets to see it for himself when Pete signs around the Tower and around their apartment.

After those beginning lessons, Pete’s comfortable enough to be without Wade. Wade hangs out with Clint instead, doing random shit. They test out how high their spiciness tolerance is, see who can eat more pizza in one sitting, have competitions with various weapons in the training area, play video games. Sometimes they rope the others into their shenanigans, and on those occasions, they’re able to branch out into doing things like play laser tag or paintball and other team games. He kinda feels sorry that Pete’s missing out on the fun, but from what Tony and the others are saying, he’s having as much fun learning all this shit. He hangs out with Tony in his lab too, making god knows what. Wade doesn’t really mind, as long as he’s enjoying himself.

Wade sends the parts of Tony’s jet that can be salvaged to Tony anyway, because a deal’s a deal. 

He wakes up at an ungodly hour to an empty bed. He does that less often now, waking up in the middle of the night. It’s probably partly because he has a schedule he needs to adhere to now, though that could be total bullshit because he’s not a neurologist. Either way, he could really go for some water now, so he goes to the kitchen. The dark shadow on the ceiling moves and he freaks the fuck out, but it drops down in front of him and he realises it’s just Pete. Wade turns the light on and glares at Pete, who’s just laughing. 

“Fuck you. You about gave me a heart attack,” he grumbles, signing at the same time.

“Sorry,” Pete replies, looking not at all sorry. “I’m hungry.” 

“Make your own food or wait ‘til morning. I’m getting myself water.” He isn’t actually going to do that to Pete, and they both know it.

“Sorry, sorry! It was just funny. Clint told me to. I only want you to make something really easy. Just eggs.”

“Fine, I guess I can do that.” He sighs exaggeratedly and Pete smiles, opening the fridge to get out the eggs. 

He hugs Wade from behind as Wade scrambles the eggs, head against his back. Wade just about combusts and simultaneously melts from the intimacy and domesticity of it all.

They eventually decide to tell everyone about Pete’s spinnerets. Wade’s hesitant to agree, as that seems private and unnecessary. 

“It’s okay. I trust them,” Pete signs reassuringly. So they do. 

No one treats it like it’s weird or disgusting, although he supposes that of course they wouldn’t, with all the weirder shit they’ve seen and experienced. They just accept it and go on with their days. Clint asks if he can create web hammocks and whatnot, and they spend multiple afternoons passing time in some. Tony and Bruce offer to work with him to create something to help, since he only has four limbs these days. 

Pete definitely agrees, because Wade finds his webs are stronger and the slightest bit neater. Pete’s stubborn enough to keep trying to effectively lock Wade in the apartment, and his “shooters” as he and the Science Bros call them help Pete hinder Wade.

“You already bought groceries yesterday and it’s too late to go to Tony and them. Where are you going?” His fingers are fast and sharp, and his bottom lip’s sticking out in an adorable pout.

“I’ve gotta patrol, make sure people are safe and there’s no trouble. You know this; I do it almost every night.” 

“What about me? You? What if I’m suddenly not safe?” 

“Aww, Pete. You _will_ be safe.” Wade cups Pete’s face in his hands, thumbs softly stroking his cheeks. “Wanna go stay with the Avengers while I patrol? Would that make you safe?” 

“I want you to stay here. Have Clint patrol! Or Tony! Or Steve! He’s good at it; he told me!”

“Petey Pie, I gotta go patrol. It’s my responsibility. They have their own jobs. Plus, it’s better for me to go out on patrol. I’ll come back if I die.”

“But I’ll be sad anyway if you died.” Wade gathers him into a hug. 

“Oh you sweet, sweet thing. You win this once. I’ll stay and have someone else patrol. But only because I don’t want you to be sad.” 

“I’m sad every time you leave.” 

“I know,” Wade says softly. “I know.” 

Pete’s next method of trying to deter Wade from patrolling is sticking his own feet on the floor and hugging Wade’s leg. Wade has to look down to catch his eye. 

“I’ll be back Pete. I always am.” He’s starting to run out of things to say that don’t make him seem like a broken record.

“But sometimes you come back hurt and there’s blood on your suit. I don’t like it.”

“Most of the time, I’m all better when I get back, silly. That’s just old blood.” 

“But I don’t want you to get hurt at all!” Wade laughs at that, and it makes Pete frown.

“That’s just part of the job. I knew it would be like that when I started.”

“Then you’re not doing a good job,” Pete tells him petulantly. Wade laughs even harder. 

“I’ll try to be better.”

“Fine. I don’t care.” He lets go of Wade’s leg and turns his body around so he’s facing the other way. 

“Okay. I’ll miss you.” Wade crouches down and hugs Pete from behind. Though Pete doesn’t turn around, he does lean into the touch.

They realise that Pete’s gonna need a last name so they can share what he, Tony, and Bruce have created and discovered during their time in the lab. Tony knows someone who can make paperwork for Pete, because of course he does, so Wade just needs to make a last name. He knows, of course, it’s going to start with P, because alliterative names are the best (duh, Wade Winston Wilson? The most superior name). It comes to him that he should also make it punny, and since Pete’s a spider he’s probably good at _parkour_. Thus, Peter Parker is legally born. 

“Pete, I gotta go on a mission for a week,” Wade tells him as they sit on the couch after dinner one night. “Trust me, I wouldn’t do this unless I absolutely had to. In that time, you’re gonna stay at the Avengers Tower and they’re gonna spend time with you and take care of you.” He’s gone on missions before, but those were when Pete was a spider and it was fine if he stayed in the apartment for the duration of them. 

“I don’t want them; I want _you_.”

“I know. I want you too. But my mission is very important. If I don’t go, a lot of people are going to get hurt or killed. I’m not gonna let that happen.” Pete grips the hem of Wade’s shirt tight and Wade gently takes that hand into his own, gathering Pete into his lap. They sit quietly like that for a while, ‘til Pete’s yawning every few minutes. 

“Let’s go to sleep, hmm?” Pete slowly sits up. 

“When do you leave?” 

“Monday.” 

“Can you stay every night ‘til then? Don’t go on patrol?”

“Okay. I’ll get the other Avengers to do it, and I’ll stay with you ‘til Monday. Pinky promise. Here, stick your pinky up? Yep, and now we link our pinkies. That’s very serious business, pinky promises. It means I _really_ have to keep it.” 

They both pack up Sunday afternoon. Neither of them need to pack much; Wade always travels light for missions, and there’s already so many things at the Tower for Pete to do. When they’re all packed, they head over. It’ll probably be better for Pete to have a night with Wade there, and it’s definitely better for Wade to leave from there. 

“I love you,” Pete tells him that night before they turn off the lights to sleep. 

“I love you too.”

“Be safe.” 

“I will.” 

Pete holds him tightly that night.

Wade finds himself thinking about and missing Pete a lot over the next week. He supposes it makes a lot of sense. Sure, he hangs out with the Avengers every week, but Pete is with him almost every hour of every day. He’s clinging to him, or in the same room with him. Wade even misses Pete’s stubborn attempts to keep him in the apartment. 

There’s a few hours almost every day where he’s free and it’s safe enough for him to contact Pete. He’s got his own StarkTech phone, and they videochat, or Tony uses his fancy tech so they can holo call. Sometimes Pete’s pissed off instead of sad and he ignores the calls, but when they do call, Pete tells Wade what he’s been up to and Wade tells Pete how much progress he’s made (without all the details) and that he’ll be back soon. It’s an odd yet endearing feeling that he’s still getting used to, having someone miss and genuinely care about him. 

**Wade**  
four more days til i come home!

 **Pete**  
Can you come earlier?

 **Wade**  
it depends on how things go  
probly not but ill try my hardest

 **Pete**  
Okay. I love you.

 **Wade**  
i love u too petey pie

**Pete**  
I’m mad at you!

 **Wade**  
thats okay  
i love u  
i can’t wait til im back home

 **Pete**  
I love you too and I can’t wait either. 

**Pete**  
Clint and I tricked Tony. We took his stuff one by one until he noticed. Clint said that’s called the “long game”. We started the second day I came and he didn’t notice until today. It was very funny!

 **Wade**  
haha oh my i can imagine!  
that does sound very funny

**Wade**  
im finally done!  
i should be back before tomorrow

He’s exhausted when he comes back, moving sluggishly. He’s gotta put on a face when he enters the living quarters, though. Doesn’t wanna concern Pete. He stops by the room where Pete’s been staying and drops his things off before heading to the dining room, where Tony said everyone was. Just in time for dinner.

What he doesn’t expect is a “Welcome back” banner. What he doesn’t expect is them waiting for him before eating. What he doesn’t expect is a delicious-looking, homemade taco bar. His jaw about drops.

“Hey guys,” he says faintly. “What’s all this?” Petey rushes to hug him. 

“Welcome back,” Clint signs with a smile. 

“Thanks.” 

Dinner’s great. Turns out everyone chipped in with some component or another. Petey had helped make the dough (from scratch), something he proudly tells Wade. It’s lively, with everyone catching him up on the week he’d missed. It’s the most he’s felt seen and cared about in a long, long time. Maybe that he’s _ever_ felt. 

Pete’s behaviour oscillates wildly the next few days. One day he won’t let Wade out of eyesight and has to be within arms length of him, and the next he totally avoids Wade outside of mealtime and bedtime. Wade does his best to make sure that however Pete’s feeling, he’ll still have Wade. When Pete refuses to talk to him, he’ll text a simple “i love u”. Pete doesn’t respond, but he’s at least reading them, and really that’s all Wade needs.

The next day, he wakes up from their nap wrapped in webs, his head the only thing left untouched.

“Did you even nap?”

“Yes. No going out tonight.” 

“Did you at least ask someone else to patrol?”

“Yes. I think you need a partner when you go.”

“Aww, you think the others can handle themselves better than I can?”

“I think that I want you safe, and that especially when you go on long missions, you’d benefit from having someone else there. That might even make them quicker. When the Avengers deal with a threat, they do it as a team.”

“Does that make me a part of the Avengers?” Wade muses.

“You’re not taking me seriously,” Pete signs with a huff.

“I am, I am. Okay, who do you suggest as a sidekick?”

“Me. I would feel safer if I could see you and help you.”

“Okay.”

“Really?” 

“Of course. I trust you. If you think you’re okay with doing this, then it’s fine by me. But if you want to be a sidekick, you need a cool costume and name like mine. And I’m not gonna let you go out there without training, so we’ll add the Avengers training you to your classes. That okay with you?”

“I’m so excited! I’ll make my own costume and name. Training is gonna be so fun! Will you be there?”

“I can be. Now that that’s all settled, is there any chance you’ll let me out now?”

“No. Sorry. New recipe. I don’t wanna risk cutting you.” 

“I’d heal from that.” Pete’s glare is so sharp he could use it to free himself. “Okay, okay, sorry. No jokes about that.” 

“Do you need anything?”

“Nah. Just stay with me so I remember I’m not being kidnapped.”

“Sorry.” 

“Hey, you’re good. Also, are you gonna _make_ make your own suit?”

“Is that a bad idea?”

“Kind of? It’d be better if Tony could make the actual suit, unless you want a one-time use costume.”

“Okay. I’ll make the design right now. Lemme go get some paper and a pencil.”

He sits at Wade’s side and draws, paper angled away from Wade. When he’s done, he pauses, holding it farther away, and then nods. 

“What do you think?” 

What Wade _thinks_ is that Pete took “a costume like mine” a bit too literally. The front of the torso and “boots” he’s labelled red. The back of the torso, legs, and underarms are labelled blue. The red parts have web designs, and there’s kick-ass spiders on the center of chest and center of the back, with the back one bigger. But he doesn’t have the heart to make him redo it. It’s honestly not bad.

“Wow this is great! The matching red will make us look like more of a team.” That’s the right thing to say, because Pete beams.

“But what should I do with my spinnerets?”

“Hmm, we’ll just give you a belt pouch like mine! We’ll match even more!” 

“Okay.” He adds that into the design so they can bring it with them on their next trip to the Tower.

Wade thinks the Avengers enjoy training Pete. It’s not often they get to mentor a new super, and they obviously put a lot of effort into it. They work out who’s gonna teach Pete what kind of skills and when, making sure they don’t overwork him. Regardless of who’s training him, the others stay and watch so they can make note of his strengths and weaknesses. It’s real convenient with Jarvis too, because he records the trainings, and they can play it back to show Pete. 

He’s a quick learner, as with anything else he’s taught. He excels at being graceful, as the ballet training with Nat and acrobatics with Clint shows everyone. It’s awe-inspiring, watching the way he moves around, and the way he dodges what they throw his way (both literally and figuratively). He’s also good at being silent, which makes for even better pranks; Pete takes great joy in sneaking up on people. Nat’s the only one he never catches off guard, but he also likes the play fighting that follows his failed attempts to scare her.

Wade helps train him with hand-to-hand combat, but his personal favourite parts of training is the group training. Group training is a space for everyone to show off, and it’s usually laser tag, or paintball, or capture the flag, or whatever array of team games there are. So Pete _does_ get to play with them after all. It’s so thrilling being in that scenario and knowing you don’t have to hold back (well he has to hold back weapons of course). They’d debated over whether or not Pete was allowed to crawl walls and ceilings, but it _is_ still training after all, and he’s gotta be able to incorporate that into his movements. They switch up the teams every time so that everyone can have experience fighting alongside each other, _and_ so that no team has too much of an advantage in the players planning ahead of time or whatever.

Pete still has other training, and somewhere in that time he learned about money and got a credit card (probably from Tony). Wade knows this because one day a big package shows up at his door that he didn’t order, and he’s immediately suspicious. Then Pete peeks from around him and perks up. 

“Look, I ordered it. It has my name!” 

“What’s in it?” Pete just sits him on the couch, drags it in, and places it in front of Wade.

“Open it!” He’s nearly bouncing on his feet, and it makes Wade smile. He grabs a knife and slices the tape. Inside the box is a shitfuckington of wriggling mealworms. 

“Oh. Wow.” It’s one of the most heartwarming gestures he’s ever received (the other being the welcome back party, of course). 

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah! Oh my god, thank you.” He pulls Pete in for a hug, which Pete eagerly leans into. 

He ends up doing research on how to take care of live mealworms and also looks up recipes to make. There’s savory ones as well as sweet, surprisingly, and they’re honestly all pretty good. It’s not the first time he’s eaten bugs, and it certainly won’t be the last, what with the enormous fucking amount of mealworms they have. But he got it from the person he loves the most, and it tastes kickass, so he’s not complaining.

Wade still has dance parties, except now Pete’s a human and he 1, can’t be a head accessory and 2, must also participate. He doesn’t seem to mind, likes just moving his body however the fuck he wants. But Wade must break out the wigs and crowns again. He misses the weight of a spider on his head, but he wouldn’t trade Pete the human for Pete the spider. Pete likes wearing accessories and dressing up too. They have a separate closet for dance party clothes. Anyone can call a dance party. Really, all it takes is one of them declaring “dance party”, and the two of them changing and then playing music. Usually they have them in the living room, because it’s the most unobstructed floor space. They can be anywhere from one song to a couple of hours, and however long they are, they’re always the highlight of Wade’s day.

Pete makes his debut as Spider-Man, the crime-stopping, masked vigilante that partners with Deadpool as they make sure people are safe in the night. He doesn’t know it then, but he’ll become well-known and beloved, and though he’ll decline being a part of the Avengers same as Wade, he’ll be there for them when they need it, always protecting his own.

**Author's Note:**

> omg hoiiii it's been so long!! lolol i've had an umbrella academy wip for a while, but it's just hard to conceptualise the scope of powers, so tht will take just a bit more.
> 
> this one i was looking thru prompts bc i wanted to get into writing again n i Knew spideypool was the way i'd be able to do it, so. and i gave myself one wk and here we are sunday and i'm posting it!!
> 
> gosh if he's childish or whatnot it's based off of me and also my brother and nieces, who are the ones i spend the most time with these days. and in my defense, we've nvr Seen a spider turn into a human so rly, we don't kno how they'd act. 
> 
> if ur interested in the ""research"", here's some links: [Boys' Life article on keeping spiders as pets](https://boyslife.org/hobbies-projects/funstuff/1282/how-to-keep-spiders-as-pets/), [Writing Deaf Characters (to double check how to write ASL)](https://crookedtidalwaves.tumblr.com/post/168891932863/writing-deaf-characters-speech-is-speech%22), [Signing names (to double check that people do indeed get assigned signs)](https://www.signingsavvy.com/blog/9/Signing+People%27s+Names+in+Sign+Language), [Live Mealworms](https://flukerfarms.com/live-mealworms/), and [Bug Recipes!](https://time.com/3830167/eating-bugs-insects-recipes/)
> 
> i rly hope u liked it!! i had a LOT of fun thinking abt thngs
> 
> feel free to tell me of any typos!


End file.
